How can I extend my sex time and last longer in bed?

How can I extend my sex time and last longer in bed?

Q: I cannot last for more than a little while in bed. I ejaculate in 2-3 minutes and my wife is not fully satisfied and this is causing tension between us. I am very depressed about this. Please give me some tips to last longer. Ans: One of the biggest misconceptions people have about sex is that it has to go on for an hour as shown in porn movies. These films are fabricated and are often performed in several cuts. Don't be depressed as you are not the only one facing this problem, most men believe that they should last longer. And fortunately, there are ways with which you can last longer in bed. Proper preparation will lead to greater performance.

You can start by exercising your groin, arms and abdominal muscles. Not only will they provide you with more energy while having sex, they will also improve blood flow in your body which is good for your cardiovascular health. Also even cutting down on the flab can help you last longer. Many-a-time premature ejaculation is caused due to erectile dysfunction, basically your body's compensating for less sex time by ejaculating quickly.

You can also try out these techniques to beat premature ejaculation. (Read: ) 

Consuming alcohol and cigarettes could play spoilsport in a steamy night of passion. These products lead to fatigue and even affect your sex hormone levels causing poorer erections.

You can also try doing Kegel exercises which are meant to give you better erections. Kegels exercises are meant for exercising the muscles of your pelvic region, and can help you gain better control of your bladder as well as improve your sex life. An example of a kegels exercise will be – 'Imagine you are urinating and then try to stop the flow. Repeat this – squeeze, hold, release cycle 10 times, trying to hold for 10 seconds per squeeze.' (Read: )

Lastly, focus more on foreplay and don't directly dive in vaginal intercourse. A woman has several erogenous zones over her body. Indulging in some kissing and fingering can give her an orgasm that she deserves. (Read: )

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Resistance bands and tubes are they better than weights?

Resistance bands and tubes – are they better than weights?

Earlier used as fitness equipment, resistance bands and tubes are nowadays commonly used by physiotherapists for rehabilitation as well. In some ways they are similar because both of them provide some form of resistance, allow a free range of motion and allow a variable speed of movement. But are they better than weights? Here's what the experts had to say:

Benefits over weights

'There are numerous benefits over weights. They're inexpensive, require virtually no maintenance and one band alone can be used for numerous movements. They can be carried anywhere and one band can be used for many different movements. Also unlike weights, the user is able to control the amount of force being applied very easily by their foot position, body position and movement. Simply repositioning your body while performing the given exercise will add more or less load/stress or assistance,' Hill adds. (Read: )

Versatile and easy to carry around

According to celebrity trainer, , 'Resistance bands and tubes are great because they are versatile and allow you to target muscles you have trouble training with weights and offer great variety. Also thanks to their light weight, they can be taken anywhere.'

Great for rehab

Ace bodybuilder Neil 'Yoda' Hill says that bands and tubes can be used for multiple exercises. He adds, 'They are very effective for injury/rehab phases as the user is able to create a positive load in a given area and also control the pressure/load being applied. Since they are rubberised and flexible, they can be used to perform multiple movements or exercises.'

Help increase co-ordination:

Unlike dumbbells which offer resistance when going against gravity, resistance bands or tubes offer resistance throughout the movement. This makes you stabilize your body better leading to better co-ordination, involving more muscle groups.

Tips to buy and use resistance bands or tubes:

You can buy them at shops having sports and fitness equipment or at many online stores. Buy them in two to three different colours (offering different levels of resistance) so that you can use different ones for various body exercises for targeting different muscle groups.Resistance tubes come with handles which may be slightly uncomfortable. Choose ones with padded handles if  you find them.For certain moves, you might need to attach them to a wall, pole or door with an attachment. Ask the store if they have any.When your body gets used to one level of bands, move on to the next level.Sometimes, if you're not tall enough, the resistance tubes may seem inadequate to offer resistance. In these cases, just make a loop with them on the floor and keep your foot/feet on it. You can adjust the size of the loop based on how much resistance you require.

 

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Mistakes on First Night முதலிரவில் செய்யும் தவறுகள்

After the wedding, you all get pumped up for the first night. While many couples feel the wedding jitters throughout this time, there are a few who are excited about the first sex with their newly wed partner! Sex on first night increases intimacy, romance, love and affection towards your spouse. Elders, brothers and sisters will eat your mind by giving you ideas and suggestions to throw a good impression on your very first night after the wedding.

However, you must not make few mistakes on your first night. Couples when driven by sex drive tend to make mistakes and this can throw a wrong impression on your spouse. So, it is very important to be careful when you are preparing for your first night after the wedding. Here are few silly mistakes that couples must avoid on their first night.

Sex mistakes to avoid on first night:

Not taking consent: Although you are now legally a couple who can indulge in sexual activities, you need to make sure that you take consent of your spouse before taking any step.

Check comfort levels: You might be ready to pump it inside the well decorated bedroom, but your spouse might require some time to become comfortable. Women especially feel shy and take time to open up with their spouse. Do not force your partner if she is not comfortable in having complete sex with you. All couples must avoid such first night sex mistakes.

Be sober: As it is your first night, you do not need to turn into a porn star. Stay shy and little reserved. This will throw a good impression on your spouse. You might not know, but a lot of men love women who are soft and delicate. You can act like a porn star in the later days!

No unprotected sex: Before the first night, take some guidance if you are not well aware about the world of sex! Many couples make a big mistake on their first night. Do not have unprotected sex. Carry protections so that you do not regret later!

Don't sleep off: Men usually have the habit of going to sleep after having sex. They get tire, but women get romantic after the intercourse. You can sleep after few days once your wife feels comfortable. Till then, make it a habit to wake up for some time and caress her so that your wife doesn't feel being used for sexual needs.

These are few sex mistakes that couples do on their first night.

Sex mythbuster: Touching a woman’s breasts won’t make them bigger

Sex mythbuster: Touching a woman's breasts won't make them bigger

Q: Hi, I am a 24 year old man. I wanted to ask if pressing or sucking on a girl's breasts will make it grow bigger.  My girlfriend is really worried about it and won't let me touch her breasts.

This is one of the most common sex-related myths that people seem to have. While many women find squeezing and pressing boobs arousing, there's absolutely no data to suggest that they can grow bigger with pressing or squeezing.  Normally, when a woman is aroused, there is some blood flow to her breasts which makes them marginally bigger temporarily. This makes it a wonderful erogenous zone that most heterosexual males enjoy fondling.

The breasts can also increase in size if a woman puts on weight, or is pregnant or lactating. Exercising can also improve body posture and make the breasts appear more attractive, but it cannot increase its size. No ointment, oil or cream that claims to do it is legitimate. You should avoid buying any such products. The only way it to actually increase the size is to get breast implants.  

So you can rest assured that pressing or fondling will not increase her breast size. If it was that easy, there would really be no need for an expensive procedure like breast implants. (Read: )

And we should add that if your girlfriend is not comfortable with breast play you should avoid it. A woman has various erogenous zones throughout her body. Maybe for your girlfriend, her breasts aren't one of them. (Read: )

Ten silly sex myths we have heard

Ten silly sex myths we have heard

Our educators and decision-makers seem to believe that teaching children and young adults the realities of sex will result in a widespread moral degradation so sex education in schools is pretty much non-existent. This coupled with other dubious sources of information like peers, porn and films has created a bunch of myths about sex. Here we try to bust some of the most common myths about sex: 

Myth: Anal sex and oral sex are 'safe'

That depends on your definition of safe. While oral and anal sex cannot cause pregnancies (a doubt some readers still have) it can still lead to the transmission of STDs. The risk is particularly high in anal sex and you should always use a condom for it. (Read: )

Myth: Pressing, sucking or fondling a woman's breast will make them bigger

If it was that easy then there would be no need for expensive breast enlargement surgeries. When breasts are fondled, blood flows to them and they are momentarily perkier and bigger. This is a temporary state of affairs and the size of the breast decreases normally when the woman isn't aroused. (Read: )

Myth: Masturbation can lead to blindness, hair on the back of the arm, infertility and a host of other conditions

This has been there since time immemorial. Masturbation can NOT make you weak, it can't make you glow blind, it won't cause hair growth in unwanted places, it won't make you lose hair, it won't make you thin, it won't make your erections weaker and you certainly won't run out of semen or sperm if you masturbate. All the myths about masturbation have come to be because of society's views that everything to do with sexuality including masturbation was a 'bad' thing.  (Read: )

Myth: You can get pregnant by kissing

A myth which does the rounds in the schools thanks to the fact that our politicians have decided sex education is immoral and against our Indian values. It's impossible to get pregnant via kissing. 

Myth: Intercourse should last for hours

Thanks to porn, most young men get disheartened when they don't last beyond 3-4 minutes. That's the worldwide average. We often forget that porn is fabricated, men aren't supposed to last for hours!  (Read: )

Myth: You can have unprotected sex on safe days and not get pregnant

It's incredibly hard to figure out the safe days for sex. Technically speaking, the safe days are Day 1-7 of the period and Day 19 to the start of the next cycle. Like we mentioned, it's incredibly hard to figure out and also we need to remember that many women have irregular periods. Just use a damn condom! (Read: )

Myth: It's easy to tell if a woman's a virgin

Another of our social myths, we believe that unless a woman bleeds during sex i.e. hymen breaks she isn't a virgin! The hymen can break anytime during her childhood through vigorous activities like cycling or even due to female masturbation. An intact hymen is not a sign of virginity! Sadly, society still doesn't seem to believe it and they actually have hymen reconstructive surgery! (Read:)

Myth: Homosexuality is a disease

In 1973, homosexuality was removed from the list of Mental Disorders by the American Psychiatric Association. Why people are gay is still not clear but they just are. It's not a disease or a condition; it's just like being Bengali or Tamil. You're just born gay. It's not a mental illness and there's no choice in the matter.

Myth: Women must orgasm through vaginal sex

Most women do not have orgasms from vaginal intercourse alone and require clitoral stimulation. In fact, there are a variety of different erogenous zones that can cause orgasms – breasts, legs, back, calves, etc. Some even have orgasms through digital penetration of the vagina but don't have it during regular sex.

Only vagina penetration counts as sex

When Bill Clinton was embroiled in the Monica Lewinsky scandal, he had claimed that he was 'not having sex'. Investigations revealed that while their encounters involved a variety of sexually-charged encounters including fellatio, there was no vaginal intercourse. This is an example of how modern society only equates vaginal intercourse with sex. This has hampered society in general and plays a major role in meting out justice for sexual assault. Punishment is often based on penile penetration and other acts are considered less severe. We have to realise that everything falls under the ambit of sex, from kissing to penetration. In fact, the proper scientific term for all non-intercourse sexual activities is outercourse. (Read: )

We hope we've cleared some of the sex doubts you've been harbouring since childhood. Do write to us if you have any more queries. 

Cook Together For Better Sex!

You must have heard of the phrase that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But it is not necessary that you have to go through the process of cooking alone to make way to his heart. Two of you together can spice up the food with a combination of mind blowing sex in the kitchen!

A man's basic necessity revolves around only two things, food and sex. So, when you mix up these two things, he will do anything you want him to. You do not have to slog in the kitchen to find the way to your man's heart. Just make the cooking funnier and sexier. Seduce him into the kitchen and do the cooking together. Not only cooking the meal but also cooking up some steamy and sexy love!

Here is a sexy recipe to steam things up in the kitchen with your man tonight. Have a look:

Dress Provocatively

No, we are not asking you to cook wearing a lingerie. Wear only an apron to let him know that you have no objections in being seduced by him. Or you may wear something subtly provocative where you may show-off your naughty cleavage only to make his mouth water! Suddenly cooking will become sexy and an erotic job rather than a routine and dull one.

Get Him From Behind

There is nothing more sexy than sneaking up behind your man while he is busy putting the seasoning in the soup. Gently place kisses around his neck, press your chest against his back, slip your arms to his waist and then let it go down. He will probably give up on the cooking and grope you from behind.

Sip On The Wine

To build up the mood, get some sensual music and a glass of wine. Give him a few kisses and nib at his neck to get things steamy. Licking fingers and kissing will be a huge turn on for both of you.

Use The Table

You will never forget the experience of having sex on your kitchen table. Clear up the things from your table and make love on it. Then spread out on your dining table and give provocative signals to your partner. He cannot resist the provocation and you will end up having the best sex of your life.

Try these moves in the kitchen tonight and make your man go crazy with pleasure.

Forbidden Places To Have Sex!

Having sex in the bedroom is a usual, and boring thing. If you really want to spice up your sex life then it is time to move out of the bedroom and try out something hot and naughty. Having outdoor sex has its own fun which you cannot imagine unless you have one! So, the next time you plan to have sex, just do it outside the bedroom and see how your guy turns on and goes wild.

Bedroom is preferred for sex because it falls under your comfort zone. But if you want to enjoy some hot and steamy sex, then move out of your comfort zone and explore the wild. Remember, how Eve ate the forbidden fruit? The forbidden fruit is usually where the fun lies. So, do not hesitate to eat the forbidden fruit or to have sex with your partner in the most forbidden places.

Take a look at these forbidden places to have sex:

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5 reasons why regular visits to the dentist is a good idea!

You must have often heard that it is very important to visit your dentist for regular check-ups – generally, twice a year. But depending upon how good your oral health is you may need to visit your dentist either more frequently or less often. It could be as frequent as every three months or as less as once a year. But have you ever wondered why you need those regular dental check-ups in the first place? Here’s why.

Prevention is better than cure
Regular dental check-ups can help bring a few lurking signs of impending oral conditions to notice so that preventive measures can be taken. During your regular check-ups your dentist will be able to check for conditions in the mouth that may put you at risk of developing any tooth decay, gum disease, etc. (Read: )

One such risk factor is tartar or calculus (mineralised plaque) which is detrimental for the health of your teeth and gums. It cannot be easily removed even after you follow all the oral hygiene measures like brushing and flossing.Professional scaling or cleaning is the only way these mineralised deposits can be removed. (Read: )

Is sex as good as gymming to lose weight?

Is sex as good as gymming to lose weight?

Need to stay fit and healthy, and have fun at the same time? Have sex. According to a new study conducted by William Masters and Virginia Johnson, having sex is just as effective as going to the gym and is a great way to burn calories. On an average, men burn 4.2 calories, and women burn 3.1 calories for every minute of sex that they have.

For the study, the researchers studied 21 heterosexual couples by attaching an armband called SenseWear which monitored their energy expenditure. They were then asked to perform a 30-minute moderate intensity workout on a treadmill in order to calculate their baseline calorie expenditure.

The study published online in the journal PLOS ONE showed that men spent a total of 101 calories while having sex and 276 calories while on the treadmill, while women spent 69 calories while having sex and 213 calories while on the treadmill.

Health benefits of sex:

1. Makes you happier!

A new research suggests that like salaries, people are generally happier if they keep up with the Joneses and are even happier when they're having more sex. On the other hand, less sex than their peers can make people miserable. ()

2. Relieves stress!

 Sex releases hormones like dopamine and oxytocin, which helps us feel elated. There is no better  way to let off some steam and it actually helps people sleep as well. (Read: )

3. Helps you sleep better

Men ejaculate during orgasm which makes them feel lethargic after the activity. This makes it a great way to tackle insomnia. (Read: )

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Expert diet tips for people suffering from cancer

Expert diet tips for people suffering from cancer

Battling a disease like cancer is not an easy feat. You need to be mentally strong and not lose hope to overcome this illness. While doctors try their best to remove the tumour from your body, you too can make your contribution in making your body healthy by eating the right food. It will not only make your body feel better and heal faster, but will give you mental satisfaction as well to an extent. Fitness and wellness expert Jain shares some tips on fighting cancer with the right diet.

Studies indicate that those who are overweight by 20 kg or more double their risk of getting certain types of cancer. The American Cancer Institute stated that about one-third of all cancers are related to what we eat and another 30 per cent result from smoking. Your diet plays a vital role in your well-being.

Eat a balanced diet

The body needs nutrients from various food groups. The food you consume should include calories from proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins and minerals. No one food group is more important than another – for good health you need them all. Go easy on fats, oils and sweets so that your weight is in-check.

The total calorie consumption during the recuperation of cancer may need to be increased to prevent break down of tissues.The body requires additional protein for tissue regeneration and healing.Dietary supplements often need to be included, as advised by the doctor.Spicy food is best avoided as it can cause nausea and stomach discomfort.Dryness of the mouth is common during cancer treatment therefore soft, bland food is better tolerated.Small meals, eaten frequently (every 2 -3 hours) are advised, rather than large meals.Instead of frying; you can grill, roast, bake, stir-fry or blanch the food. Limit fat intake to less than 20 per cent of total calories.Keep yourself well hydrated. This helps the kidneys to rid the body of toxins. Drink two to three litres of water daily.To preserve nutrients, eat freshly cooked food, rather than frozen or packaged foods.Fibre adds bulk to the food we eat and is an important source of roughage. Choose high-fibre foods such as multigrain, whole-wheat bread or brown rice.Fruits and vegetables are fibre-rich foods that contain essential nutrients such as vitamins A and C, folate, iron, magnesium, potassium, and selenium. Eat three to five servings of fresh fruits and salad each day. Aim for a variety and pick your vegetables and fruits across the rainbow spectrum. It is a myth that one has to stop eating non-veg food if they have cancer. Modest amounts of meat and dairy products are advised.

Quit smoking

Tobacco use not only causes cancer but it also interferes with cancer treatment and leads to poorer outcomes. Tobacco use has been linked to lung, head and neck cancers. (Read: )

Limit alcohol consumption

Do you know that one gram of alcohol equals 7 calories? Drinking too much will pile on pounds and also can interfere with your ongoing treatment. It is best to consult your doctor on the prescribed limit of alcohol intake depending on your condition. 

Keep your mind and body calm

While it is important to eat right during your treatment, it is also important to keep your mind relaxed and at peace. It can be a trying time for you and your family but certain tips can help you keep your cool.

Try going for a massage once a fortnight or month. It will help release muscular tension and relax you. Meditate regularly. Meditation helps calm the body and mind bringing them into a better state of balance.Get enough sleep. A good night's sleep reduces overall fatigue, anxiety and stress.Breathe deep. Shut your eyes, and take 5 slow, calming breaths. Every time you inhale focus on breathing in calmness, and when you exhale – breathe out all mental fatigue.Cultivate a hobby. It could be listening to music, playing the piano…  do something every day that you enjoy.

While these are general guidelines that all cancer patients can follow, it is essential to discuss them once with your consulting doctor on any specific restrictions or additions to this routine based on your condition. (Read: )

Namita Jain has carved a niche for herself in the fitness and wellness space with her brand 'Jaldi Fit' and company 'Live Active'. Her career spans over 25 years and her unmatched list of qualifications let her stay ahead of the curve. She has authored several books on health and fitness and contributed articles for top publications as well. She conducts classes in aerobics, yoga, Pilates, step workout and interval training. She also features as a nutritionist on the TV channel Food Food in their health cookery programme. Namita was the nutrition partner for Miss Femina India 2012. For more information on her wellness programmes, visit her websites: www.liveactive.com and www.jaldifit.com

Hot Blow Job Tips To Turn Him On

Let's face it, all men love oral sex. Blow job is the best sexual sensation a man ever experiences. Once you are down there, your man experiences a bliss which is difficult to express in words. So, if you want to impress your man and bring him down to his knees with pleasure, then you need to learn the right techniques to make him go bonkers.

Giving a blow job is not difficult. The difference is that while some women are too adept at administering it, most of the women really mess it up. While pecking at his cheeks, neck and ears can stimulate him to a great extent, blow job can put your man in a state of euphoria. There are notions about blow job being a dirty or sinful act. So, to start with the lessons, you should first get these notions out of your mind. Blow job is an activity which can spice up your sexual relationship with your partner and can contribute to the pleasure of both you and your partner.

Once you get the notions out of your mind, your task becomes much more easy. So, check out these hot blow job tips which will definitely turn him on:

The eye contact: Once you gear up for the oral sex, your man will be pretty eager to get a blow job from you. Make sure that you make an eye contact once in while with a naughty gleam in your eye. He will be turned on more with that look.

A helping hand: Gently hold the base of his penis and run your finger from the base to the tip, making an O-shape as you move upwards. This will tickle his G-spot and increase the blood circulation in his penis, making it harder.

Take it in: Gently lick the tip of his penis with your tongue and then take it in your mouth. Don't just take in and bring out. Use your tongue to make the swirling sensation. You can also gently massage his testicles and then lick them with your tongue.

Get the rhythm on: Use your hands to give him a hand job. Get his shaft in the hand and give it an up and down jerk. Then increase the speed of your jerk and then suddenly go slow. Move down to his balls and while tickling them with your fingers, give him a good blow job.

Take it deep: As you get used to getting his penis in your mouth, try taking it in completely. Getting it deep down your throat gives your man immense pleasure. If you feel awkward by the idea, try practicing this on a peeled banana first and then do it on your man.

Once you try all these tips on your man, he will have an incredibly enjoyable orgasm. When he starts to orgasm make sure you do not put too much pressure on his penis. Slowly take your hands off and let him enjoy the bliss.

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Sex addiction - The curse of a raging libido

The curse of a raging libido

'I would repeatedly cheat on my wives, get caught and then reconcile. And cheat again. I spent lakhs on escort services. Now all I have is remorse'

In the 40 minutes that I spend with Jasvir*, he does not look at me once. As we sit down, he readjusts his chair so that the swimsuit-clad woman in the pool behind us does not distract him. 'Don't mind me. When you're recovering, you need abstinence,' he tells me. 

Jasvir is a recovering sex addict who heads a sexoholics support group in Delhi — The Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA). A medical practitioner, his addiction led to depression and he was soon hooked to sleeping pills. He battled the addiction for over a decade before seeking help. 'I would buy dozens of porn magazines every week and spend obsessively on the women I slept with,' confides Jasvir.

Ironically, he had no relationship with his wife. Today, he helps young men battle the disorder. 

So what exactly constitutes sex addition. Is it compulsive masturbation? Or a nagging porn habit you've nursed since the class 7? Or does seven-eight orgasms per day make you an addict? 'Addiction cannot be linked to numbers. If an individual's sexual desire is uncontrolled, his needs unquenched, and behaviour compulsive, that's sex addiction,' says sexologist Prakash Kothari, who set up Asia's first department of sexology at KEM Hospital in Mumbai. (Read: )

It was only after the breakdown of his third marriage that 42-year-old Sudhir* realised that what he was staring into was a problem. 'I would repeatedly cheat on my wives, get caught and then reconcile. And, cheat again. I spent lakhs on escort services. Now all I have is remorse,' he reveals in a telephonic conversation. He has been sober for over two years now and continues to take professional help.        

'There are two prominent theories about sex addiction. One is that addiction is a biochemical reaction. The other theory attributes addiction to psychodynamic causes. Usually children of dysfunctional families with a negative attitude to sex develop a sense of low self-esteem, that can only be redeemed by sex or masturbation,' explains prominent Chennai sexologist Dr Narayana Reddy. 'Most cases have a strong psychological background. But, in some, where the individual has a ancestral history of mental illness, genetic resurgence plays a part,' explains Kothari. 

Sociologist Vivek Kumar, who teaches at JNU, believes that the disorder is largely a consequence of social actions. 'Usually, such behaviour patterns are linked with the person's history. There's always a trigger when you investigate his sociological background,' says Kumar. 

For all the prurient interest the disorder drums up, sex addiction — or 'satyriasus', the medical term for male sex addicts, and 'nymphomania' for female sex addicts — does not find mention in the American Psychiatry Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the go-to journal for mental health practitioners.

The term, 'sex addiction' was first coined by Patrick Carnes in 1983 in his book Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. It has come a long way in popular imagination with celebrities like Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods now a part of dinner time conversations. Films such as Steve McQueen's Shame, with a powerful performance by Michael Fassbender as a man grappling with his addiction, Clark Gregg's Choke adapted from Chuck Palahniuk's novel, among others have all helped to turn the spotlight on sex addiction.

Recovery route

For the longest time, the battle was with myself. I was in denial,' says Jasvir. 'I spent lakhs on my treatment abroad. I wonder how many addicts can afford that. Many people here don't even know it is a disorder.'  In India there's also the stigma attached that hampers identification. 'But the numbers are increasing. 'A decade ago, I would get barely five to six cases a month. These days, it is anywhere between 15 and 20 cases,' says Kothari.  'When we started SAA, (part of the SAA in the US), there were only two members. Now, with more people talking about it, it has risen to seven,' says Jasvir.

SAA caters only to men. This reporter was barred from attending an SAA meet on the plea that since it was felt that all SAA being men, the presence of a female would disrupt proceedings. 'Maybe it is the nature of the condition, but paraphilia is seen in males mostly. I've had only five-six women walk up to me to discuss the problem,' says Reddy.

Addiction is often mistaken for criminal behavior. Kothari distinguishes between the two. 'Sex addiction is closely related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and disorders like schizophrenia. Only a skilled psychiatrist can differentiate between the two. People also link sexual crimes to the disorder. Addiction is compulsive and not easily treatable. But an offender acts at the spur of the moment.'

Some psychiatric therapies found to work with sex addicts include the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which employs goal-setting to recover, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy which focuses on emotional well-being, and the Robert Carkuff Model, which includes a combination of the above. 'Since it is closely linked to OCD, the same medication works sometimes. But broadly, apart from psychotherapy, therapists also use anti-androgens to bring down hormone levels to pre-puberty levels. But this usually leaves side-effects and needs to be handled carefully,' says Reddy. 

But as any sex addict will tell you, the road to recovery is long and slippery.

*name changed 

Tell tale signs

An addict has an insatiable appetite for sex, and craves for it almost immediately after an orgasm An addict suffers from guilt and remorse after the act For an addict, obligations and responsibilities are not as important as pleasuring themselvesLack of sleep is a common symptomAn addict also feels despair, depression and shameThe need for sex escalates to desperation, and the addiction spirals out of control despite adverse consequences Addicts suffer from irritability and have severe mood-swingsThere is a feeling of disorientation and lack of energy

Behind closed doors of an SAA meeting

Cleaning out the closet can sometimes bring a lot of relief. Especially when the skeletons in your cupboard are sexual demons. The anonymous meet is a motley group of individuals grappling with the addiction.

The  Sex Addicts Anonymous initially borrowed the 12-step programme from the alcoholic anonymous recovery programme. The initiation is invariably the recognition of the problem; in accepting that one is addicted to sex. The programme then proceeds to seek spiritual guidance through prayers and then making amends to people one might have hurt because of the addiction.

The meet starts with the chair of the meeting reading out the 12-step recovery programme to attending addicts, after which attendees are encouraged to seek spiritual help by praying. The chair then welcomes newcomers into their fold. After a round of hugs and kisses, the evening gives ways for a recollection of personal histories.

It is in this retelling that minds are bared, and brotherhoods forged. Porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, compulsive sexual encounters, adultery, depression, drug addictions, broken relationships, regrets, shame, guilt — are the usual issues that are spoken about.  Shared histories make for a lot of comfort.

This is followed by another prayer session and a resolve to abstain. Before the meet wraps up, attendees decide on the timings for the next meet.

When we started SAA (part of the SAA in the US), there were only two members. Now, with more people talking about it, it has risen to seven.

Celebrities battling addiction

Michael Douglas

One of the first to check into rehab for his addiction in 1990, Douglas sought professional help right after his marriage to Diandra Luker hit troubled waters. Luker accused him of being a serial adulterer. He later redeemed himself with his marriage to Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Russell Brand

Infamous for his womanising ways, funnyman Russell Brand checked into sex rehab in 2005, where the now self-styled addiction expert hated everything from his bed to the food. He was clean for a while but his much-publicised marraige to Katy Perry ended after adultery accusations.

David Duchovny

Duchovny took his Calinifornication's Hank Moody act a bit too seriously when he checked into rehab in 2008, after having denied it for years. He claimed to have sought help when his marriage to Tea Leoni hit rockbottom after she found out.

Tiger Woods

Woods is arguably the most famous celebrity sex addict, after a raging addiction bulldozed a glorious career and broke his marriage. He apologised to his fans and quickly went into rehab in 2009. 

How does one know if he/she is a sex addict?

Dr Vijayasarathi Ramanathan, Sexual Health Physician and Medical Sex Therapist, throws some light on the topic. 

Is sex addiction a modern phenomenon?

Not quite. Terms like nymphomania or satyriasis, terms to describe sex addiction in women and men respectively have been around since ancient times. It's because of our increased connectivity now that we often hear about more and more cases of sex addiction or sex-related behaviour.  

How much is too much? 

The problem of addiction can be aptly described using a popular Tamil proverb which when translated means, ' An elixir which generally does good to us by improving health or protecting problems becomes a poison when it is taken more than what is required'.

 The key issue is examining how much is too much. When we are prescribed medicines, we are usually prescribed how much we should take.  But, for behaviours of addictive nature, it is very hard to draw a line between what is acceptable and what is not as it varies from person to person, society to society, culture to culture, time to time and so on. It could also rely on other factors such as the individuals, medical professionals, research evidence, society, religion etc. (Read: )